My eyes are wide open…

I used to think ignorance was bliss, the less I knew of the dangers out there the better. I grew up in a small town and have always carried that mentality throughout life. Listen to your elders, respect your neighbors, honor your parents etc. I still believe in old school tradition although it is long since the days of trusting just anyone. What happened to the days of innocence? Now people are taking advantage of others  left and right just to satisfy their own personal greed, with no sense of responsibility for their actions.

I realize that doctors are not God, but the average person trusts that they are pretty much close to it. That’s why they make the big bucks, right? We all trust they know what they are doing…  Now that I see the bigger picture, I realize that  doctors have at their  fingertips any number of chemicals that take the fundamentals out of our healthcare system. They don’t teach healthy living, they are promoting disease, by ignoring the basic communication of our bodies. This method of practicing medicine is being abused to no avail and doctors are becoming lost in the network of  bigger, faster, better, more. 

I am a victim of the ignorance of my doctors, who blatantly disregarded any warnings and told me my baby would be just fine during my pregnancy and with breastfeeding.  They allowed my baby girl to suffer and die, because they didn’t find it necessary to take the time to research what they were so willing to give out.  Now I sit and ask myself  how I could have been so blind. What made me look the other way? And how could I have put my baby at risk the way I did? 

It all comes down to trust. I trusted. This came at such a huge price to me and my family. The only way I can even deal with the guilt is to try and think of a reason why this had to happen, because I know now that I can’t always trust in doctors but I feel in my heart that I can still trust in God. I know he would not have let this happen if it were not for some seriously important reason. I believe Indiana did what she had to do so that people will realize what hell lies out there.  It is no coincidence that in time this coincides with the MOTHERS Act. She is trying to voice her truth to those who will listen. Indiana Star is my angel and she has a purpose to her life, and by damn I owe it to her to help and do what I can so that other mothers and fathers and children will not have to go through the pain, loss, and guilt, that has torn through our hearts. 

This whole ugly problem is all about greed and who gets what out of it. Really? Is it that hard to determine between right and wrong? I do know that my four year old knows the difference and it all comes down to his time outs, his responsibility for his actions. He has the fundamentals of what it takes to be a good person.

I ask myself “Well doesn’t it hurt their buisness when they get sued?”

No, I find out! They might be sued for four billion dollars but there making forty billion dollars on top of that! They don’t care, they are still bringing in outrageous amounts of money and our government is letting them get away with it because,  Why? I have asked myself this question over and over again but there is not one answer that could possibly make sense of this type of horrible injustice… 

Right now they have no responsibility for what they are doing.  Our country is in for a hell like no other if the MOTHERS Act passes, or the doctors continue to be ignorant about such issues and I pray for all those innocent victims out there. Our healthcare system is failing us, but I will not be one to lay down and take it. Indiana means too much to me to just chalk this up to just another accident and let big pharma get away with having no respect for life.

This is far from over, and in fact our family’s  journey has just begun. I look forward to doing my part in stopping this unbelievable crime and truly giving Indiana her voice to do so. Bless all of you out there searching for answers, do what your heart tells you and know there is a network of support.

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3 Responses to “My eyes are wide open…”


  1. 1 Dona Wheeler May 14, 2009 at 3:35 am

    Dear Mom of Indania,

    No Mother should have to loose their child, certainly to the system that currently exist in this world. You covered all the bases, you know the facts now, and though it is too late for your baby girl, you have picked up the gauntlet; become the warrior, and in preventing the Mother’s Act, you will aid in preventing other needless deaths, and that dear lady is the good that comes from your loss.
    No that does not alieve the pain, but your girl is the angel you perceive her to be and is very proud of her Mom. She is with you 24/7, forever,never let go of that, your love for her is not in question.
    Anger is a good tool when used correctly. Don’t allow it to weaken you, or eat you up. Use it to enpower you, motivate you to complete your mission, for your daughter, and others who surely proceded her, UNTIL[ not if] this insanity is squelched.

    Kudoes Mom, Great writing.

    Peace~Love~Oneness,
    Dona

  2. 2 Emily May 16, 2009 at 9:11 am

    I am currently being weaned off Effexor after ten years of being on it, in small part because I want to have a baby in several years and do not want it in my system. I’ve been struggling over whether or not to go on another prescription drug (I’ve been blessed with a doctor who is not pressuring me and letting me choose what is best for me). I think I just got my answer. You will be in my prayers. God bless you.

  3. 3 christiane schultz May 16, 2009 at 7:05 pm

    Great information. Amery commented that it sounds like something I would have written. I agree. Our little angels have drawn us together to save other children. You are an amazing and strong person and your other children are so lucky to have you. I think of you daily and you are always in my prayers. I am certain Indiana and Matthew are together in heaven working out their plan through us. God bless you.


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