To Indi from your daddy.

Oh Indiana. Its your da da dad here, I miss you so very much. One year ago you were born, and I remember how things were so different. You were born early – but I was just so excited to have you here.

To hold you, to kiss your little face, we had no idea that you were going through things you shouldn’t have. Every day I think of how things could have been different, if we had only known. I’m so sorry.

You blessed our lives on a beautiful Saturday evening July 26, 2008 and made me the proudest father of all time. Every morning I watched the sky with great anticipation for your arrival~ The hues of pink and gold let me know you were a girl long before any doctor could. I remember talking to you out loud, even though you were still among the stars, and I cherish the quiet moments when I heard you answer back.

I could loose myself in your blue eyes, and watch our lives play out to perfection, you’ve brought me such a level of completeness. Indi, you stayed such a brief period of time- yet softened so many hard corners in my life. I always think of you when I feel the warmth of the sun on my face. You are so strong, so brave and so beautiful.

There are times when the sorrow is so strong I don’t know how to cope. Only God knows – I’m standing up today, but some are better than others. Even now as I write this, my only wish is to go to your bedroom and pick you up, and love on you, and give you a “big belly ride“. Just to hold you and bear witness to the miracle that you are. You are the guiding star of our family. We think of you everyday, and wonder about how you would have grown up… who would you be? What would you like? Who would you have become? Our lives are so different now. Your brothers and sister miss you so much. They are growing up in a world without you, we all are. It’s a world with lessons for us all. I miss you Indiana Star. I wish I could change everything. I wish I had all the time back to change your future.

Shine Indiana Star, shine bright for all to see. I am so proud of you. Happy Birthday, I love you.

Your daddy~

6 Responses to “To Indi from your daddy.”

  1. 1 Amy Philo July 26, 2009 at 11:40 am

    She would be so big now. Down with Effexor / Wyeth / all those responsible for pushing drugs on pregnant and nursing mothers. Thinking of you all today.

  2. 2 joelphilo July 26, 2009 at 9:05 pm

    It brings tears to my eyes to read your tribute. I can’t imagine the pain. Thank you for helping me and others to appreciate what we have, and know that I am touched by your loss. Indi’s in my prayers and is happy in heaven I believe, where her family will get to see her again someday. I also believe that she has helped bring light into this world and will continue to do so. Thank you for sharing and for all you do to help others.

  3. 3 Dona Wheeler July 26, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    One year or ten, when love ones are lost via the misery that is the Big Pharma cartel, with unsuspecting trusting citizens, those left must stand up and say ENOUGH. We warriors, in peace and love, with a grasp of the unthinkable, having happened, become the truth and the light. Daddy, your baby girl is looking at you and your light as a family shining bright, in her honor, has a huge smile on her face.
    Our eyes wide open, while others are eyes wide shut, for those who profit and are loosing ground,and are afraid.

  4. 4 Lisa July 27, 2009 at 10:28 am

    Tell me more about how these drugs effect the babies and nursing mothers etc…
    I am at the other end of the spectrum.
    My sister died in 1981 due to the concealed information of suicidal ideation..I watched cluelessly as to what was happening to her. She was herself unaware of why she kept thinking and acting out suicidal ideas. and included me in them all except the last one..which was the final one of her life.
    She actually went through with it.
    long story short..
    13 years old…My sister was 25.
    she started on a prescription drug for mere “situational anxiety” going through a divorce.
    She started acting so bizzare.
    she stopped taking the drug because she did not like how it made her feel.
    which through her into the withdrawl..unknown to her or us her family at this time.
    soon after she fell ill with the flu.
    well today we know..IT WAS NOT THE FLU IT WAS THE WITHDRAWL FROM THE DRUG. my sister crashed from a drug she should not of been on in the first place..stopped it because she did not like the side effects..and it cost her ..her life.
    I found her shot in the her car..on my way to school one day. And let me tell you..NOW THAT I KNOW..WHAT REALLY KILLED MY SISTER..IM GOING TO BE A LIFETIME ADVOCATE AND HELP FIND OTHER FAMILIES..STILL IN THE DARK.
    There were no computers like now.
    When this happened..there was no outside connection to the world like there is today.
    However..thanks to other families from the 90’s putting it all together..and the tv commercials you see today..
    and..the original pres. bottle I have in my hands..we know who is guiltly.
    I want to publish my book. Anyone intrested in helping me?
    It will be was the time BEFORE PROZAC.
    And those people have been buried and forgotten.
    no closure or reasonsing behind their deaths.
    This is what outrages me!

  5. 5 Terry Bearden July 27, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. I regret that Effexor was even on the market by the time it was able to take little Indi’s life. It took my son in 2003 at 21 years old. I wish I could say that you will “get better” and be able to “move on.” The reality is that while parents can survive the loss of a child, you will never be the same. Nor would you want to be. To return to your “old normal” would keep you from a very important task: Telling other about your precious baby. The work you do now to help others is so important. May God Bless you and provide you with as much comfort as possible…

  6. 6 Jenny Hatch July 27, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    Bless you brother!

    We mourn with you as you remember your sweet, beautiful daughter!

    Death to Psychiatry…


    Blog entry:

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