My Dearest Indi,
I wish I could say it is a Happy Birthday…… I wish I could say a whole lot of things…… Time is closing in on the day you were born, right now it is 11:41 p.m. July 25th 2009.…. And I am beside myself with the pain of knowing you’re not here to celebrate this most special day of yours……I am missing you so much, words just cannot justify. I just can’t believe it was a year ago, it feels like yesterday. I try and visualize what you would look like and the things you would be doing. But I can’t, to me the way you will stay in my heart and in my memory’s is the way you were the last moments we had with each other….. You will forever be my little baby angel girl. It is now 11:51 p.m. Nine more minutes…. I feel you with me, and I feel you inspire me to go on. People say that time heals all wounds, but I feel that some wounds run just too deep. I have to go on, but baby girl I just don’t understand…. It’s 11:56 p.m….. 11:59.………12:00.…………Happy Birthday little one…………………………………………………………..
I knew today was going to be a difficult milestone to make it through……..July 26, 2009. Today my baby girl you are 1 year old…. I remember one year ago this morning, having contractions close together and telling your daddy that we needed to make it to the hospital. Everything although early seemed like it was going to be ok….. I watch the tape of when you were born and how we naively had no idea of the days that would soon follow. You were so beautiful and chubby, and had the wisest feeling about you. I was so excited to share life with you. Our family was complete and I felt as if I were the luckiest mom in the whole world. One of my favorite memories I deeply cherish, is when I came into the NICU and saw you under the warmer. Your daddy and the nurses had given you a bath and did your beautiful dark hair and put a cute little red and white bow in it…. I came over to your side and listening to my voice you just looked at me…..at that moment I melted and was overwhelmed with so much love……In fact now I have the hardest time listening to that song “The first time ever I saw your face” because that moment is and will be forever unforgettable. That was our moment…..
My sweetest blue eyed angel. I will miss your tender baby smells, and the sounds of your breathing fast when you were hungry, the grunts you would make while stretching and your cutest itty bitty bum. Giving you baths and holding you close, touching your skin and just watching you for hours. Kissing you, tickling you, holding your hands, and rocking in our chair. Baby Star, I love you so much, I am missing you so much. I know you’re here with me but I long for the day to have you back in my arms. I am blessed, I am honored, I am grateful to have been your mother….. You have been the greatest gift from God and I have been eternally touched by an angel. So until the day we meet again, I will cherish your most precious memories, in the deepest richest parts of my soul….. Happy Birthday Indiana, I love you forever….your mommy